Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
