holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
