im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
