My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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