Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
