There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
