as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
