make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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