dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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