the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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