i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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