You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize