Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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