I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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