you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
