All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
