literally had 100 drinks last night.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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