It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
