You're my little dorito
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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