I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
