Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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