How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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