Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize