(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
