I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
