Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
