My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize