Your face is a jimmy john
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
