ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
