Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize