found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
