I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize