Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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