Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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