Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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