guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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