I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
