I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize