I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
