did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
