What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
