why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
false alarm. still invincible.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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