My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
