There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
