i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
