Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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