i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
