How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
