Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
