A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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