she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
