That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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