i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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