Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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