Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
