it wasn't lemon gatorade
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
