My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize