Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
