remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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