sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
