I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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