He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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