I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
