just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
