I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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