I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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