you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
