I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
