if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
