I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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