Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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