One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just puked most of my soul out..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
