So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
