I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i would punch a child for taco bell
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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