It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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