My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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