The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
