It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
