VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
