I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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