When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
