Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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