I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
