My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
