genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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