I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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